2025

I didn’t know what to do, except erase her memory from my mind. I was finding my heart was breaking trying to make sense of why it was taking so long. Her song still danced in my tender. I enter her room filled with the perfume of cumin and lime. Vines of her essence lingered in my presence for months.

Once I thought that I was something of a prodigy. Some kind of soliloquy of nature and I would use that very gift to wager my worth. This birth was that of 48 years. I held each tear in my palm long past her hour just to be sure I devoured her pain. Each year reigned with a new curiosity until the velocity became too much. As such, our gift becomes the very crutch we were trying to avoid.

I have deployed all kinds of safety tactics to keep me safe. Haven’s cape and what she expects from herself is no short order. Border crossing isn’t my game. I have felt shame for the ways I am trying to mend. When we pretend not to hear the cry of our brothers… That one takes a toll on us Mothers you know.

(I just didn’t know.)

The temperature is now sub zero. I have become my own hero of sorts. Meaning, that I am no longer shorting what I experience for the comfort of your company.

2024 has taught me that what I thought I needed, in fact I did not. What I thought was an exercise in heART was in fact an intricate plot that I have been creating consciously. What I needed was to stand outside of me so SHE could work without giving up. Shut up or put up is where I was at. Life hack 101… block the noise until you are done doing you… then move through… with integrity.

Grit over Grace. Loving my faces, one by one.

The Sun has taught me the Father energy that I needed. Venus succeeded and all that she needed was to really be heard. Phenix the Byrd. Absurd am I.

My word for 2025 is

ALIVE

You know how they used to say it’s not enough to be alive, but you must

THRIVE TOO. Well boo, not true. Being ALIVE is is WHO WE ARE.

Sentience made from Stars, you ARE.

To embrace ALIVE you are admitting that you are HUman first. That you thirst, bleed, and NEED just like anyone else. Putting your problems on a shelf does not make them go away. First you have to choose to stay. This is the way. To be alive in this day and age is a sacred responsibility. Agility and the ability to discern without judging yourself for doing so.

To be alive is to GLOW in your essence. To not dim your presence for someone else’s experience that was never yours to begin with. OWN IT.

TONE IT

I have since outgrown IT. Sitting with the memory that I am now able to tuck away in grace. I loved that face just as I loved the last.

This year passed so fast.

Alas…

This mask I named ALIVE because it reminds me of that one time I no longer wanted to LIVE. I forgive.

Love,

Haven